Much like yourself, I'm in the midst of a preseason battle for my team's starting QB spot. I just don't know what to do because I'm trying to outplay a monstrous black person. Jamarcus Russell was blessed with being super black and super huge.
Clearly he has some very apparent advantages, but I have experience. Does 2 year starter in the WAC mean anything to you? No? How about 5 seasons with the Calgary Stampeders? Anyway, I'm not ready to ride the bench. Help me Kyle. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Jeff G.
Oakland, CA"
I can understand your concern. He's 6 inches taller, 60 pounds heavier, 16 years younger, and much more athletic than you.
If there's one thing that should comfort you, it should be your wife. If there's another thing that should comfort you, it's that you're a much smarter quarterback than Jamarcus. Granted, you can't throw it a billion fucking yards off of your back foot, but at least you don't fuck up as much.
Looking up your Wonderlic scores made me curious as to what starting QB had the highest score in the NFL. It turned out to be this mouth-breather with a score of 39.
I honestly had no idea that Eli was so smart. Let's just hope that he never uses his immense genius for evil. Can you imagine the horrors that a mind like that could create.
The truth of the matter is that you probably won't start unless Jamarcus totally chokes or gets injured. But, think about it, do you really want to be the starting QB for the Raiders? That's like wanting to be at the front of the Jonestown Koolaid line. Just sit back, relax, and I'm sure you'll get your chance to play this season. If not and you retire as a backup, it's no big deal. Your life isn't shitty or anything. After all, what has two thumbs and loves super-model pussy?
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