Reggie Pubes

"Kyle,

You have to help me out. I need a runningback. I mean, I have Reggie Bush, but... he's Reggie Bush. Holy Hell. I need a RB who can actually run the ball up the middle without pissing his pants. I had Deuce McCallister last year, but he retired because his knees went bankrupt.

There has to be something I can do. Help, Kyle.

Thanks,

Sean P.
New Orleans, LA"

I'm not sure if I'll be able to help you. I've never really had a reliable RB situation with the exception of Matt Forte. When I was with the Bears I had Cedric Benson, but he's literally retarded. I remember how happy that waterhead was when he finally learned how to use tools.

Fun Fact: He had more DUIs last season than touchdowns.

Concerning Reggie, I'm not sure what you're worried about. Reggie's pretty ballin'. I would make a joke about Kim Kardashian and her big, fat ass, but I'm not a fucking chatty Kathy on one of those celebrity gossip piles of shit. Also, I would love to get in them panties.


Also, Pierre Thomas was starting to come around towards the end of the season. He had 12 TDs and only started half of last season's games. And don't forget that you have Drew Brees to pick up any slack.

Drew Brees is a fellow boilermaker, so I have a lot of respect for him. The only time I've ever met him, the conversation went something like this.

Drew: Hey, Kyle! Nice to finally meet you. Your career is going pretty well so far. How's Chicago?
Me: What?
Drew: I asked how living in Chicago was.
Me: Whatever. Hey, you... you got some shit on your face.
Drew: Huh?
Me: Uh, you have some dirt right there on your face.
Drew: I know
Me: OhJust try not to worry about Reggie. We all know that it's merely a matter of time before his ACL explodes.

If I were you I would be more concerned with your shitty-ass defense, but you'll be fine. I bet you make the playoffs. Trust in Pierre.

On second thought, you're in the same division as the Falcons and the Panthers. Forget about the playoffs.