What makes me a baller, you ask? Well, who else do you know who went to the Sun Bowl 3 times. That's right, THE Sun Bowl. Did Jay Cutler ever win the Sun Bowl? no. Did Jay Cutler ever lose the Sun Bowl twice? absolutely not.
Since college I've spent 3 seasons with the Chicago Bears where I slowly emerged as a reliable starter. But, then again, it's pretty easy to gain recognition when your competition for the starting position is doing shit like this...
Enjoy riding the bench, RexOver my years playing football, I've noticed that people always come to me for advice. I'm not really sure why, it's just always been like that. Maybe it's because of my great decision-making skills or maybe it's because of my ability to make defensive backs look retarded despite being drunk as piss.
Whatever the reasons may be, I've decided to give John Q. Public the chance to gain some of my vast knowledge. Somebody Twittered this question to me.
"Dear Mr. Orton,
You probably don't remember me, but I used to drop your passes about a year ago. As it turns out, the QB that has replaced you is a total fucking bummer. Let's just refer to him as "Bay Hutler". Bay's a pretty decent quarterback, but he just mopes around the practice facility all day. He pouts and looks sad all the time. He acts like a 9th grader who cuts herself for attention, but that's not my biggest concern. I'm starting to believe that simply being near Bay Hutler is giving me diabetes. Is this possible?
Thanks,
Devin H.
Chicago, IL"
I'm no doctor, so I'm not really sure if diabetes is contagious. What I do know is that you seem to have a pussy for a quarterback. For a football team to be successful, you can't have a pussy under center. I mean, who would you rather have taking your snaps?
When you have a little girl like that leading your team, the team as a whole can get diabetes. It will become sickly, lethargic, and ultimately turn black and have to be amputated. I'm speaking metaphorically of course.
If I were you I would just relax because I bet that Bay Hutler's actually pretty good at football. He just needs to throw away his tampons, grab up his nuts, and play like a fucking man. If that doesn't work out for you, you can always replace any syringes you see laying around with sugar-water.
This is merely the beginning of WWKOD. If you have any questions you need answered, feel free to leave it as a comment or email me at AskKyleOrton@yahoo.com
Whatever the reasons may be, I've decided to give John Q. Public the chance to gain some of my vast knowledge. Somebody Twittered this question to me.
"Dear Mr. Orton,
You probably don't remember me, but I used to drop your passes about a year ago. As it turns out, the QB that has replaced you is a total fucking bummer. Let's just refer to him as "Bay Hutler". Bay's a pretty decent quarterback, but he just mopes around the practice facility all day. He pouts and looks sad all the time. He acts like a 9th grader who cuts herself for attention, but that's not my biggest concern. I'm starting to believe that simply being near Bay Hutler is giving me diabetes. Is this possible?
Thanks,
Devin H.
Chicago, IL"
I'm no doctor, so I'm not really sure if diabetes is contagious. What I do know is that you seem to have a pussy for a quarterback. For a football team to be successful, you can't have a pussy under center. I mean, who would you rather have taking your snaps?
When you have a little girl like that leading your team, the team as a whole can get diabetes. It will become sickly, lethargic, and ultimately turn black and have to be amputated. I'm speaking metaphorically of course.
If I were you I would just relax because I bet that Bay Hutler's actually pretty good at football. He just needs to throw away his tampons, grab up his nuts, and play like a fucking man. If that doesn't work out for you, you can always replace any syringes you see laying around with sugar-water.
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